The Hood, Friday 19th September 2014

The Hood is the Gown’s anonymous whistleblower cum satirist. Founded in 1976 by a generous donation from the Sir Humphrey Hood Foundation, the Hood has consistently broken news of wrongdoing in the elected officials of the Students’ Union, as well as the wider student movement and the university itself. Loved by people who care too much about SU politics and despised by officers who should care more, the Hood delivers the news and the schmooze on those who waste your union dues.

Summer around Queens is a strangely familiar place because it is, in essence, a weekend taken to its logical extreme. Depopulation begets hibernation and the heartbeat of the Students’ Union slows down. There was a flurry of activity before the summer regarding the decrepit state of the Union democracy, with amendments to the constitution proposed but ultimately overshadowed by poppygate. One of the results of this was that the powers that be called in an NUS diagnostic team to try and figure out why our elections are so lacklustre, but since they’re only talking to those who’ve won an election the recommendations they receive might be just more of the same. Still, its free of charge, why buy Germolene when there’s plenty of mud about, eh?

In the vein of elections, political tendrils are already creeping out in preparation for the next sabbatical election. The leader of the University’s Solicitors’, Doctors’ and Landlords’ Party and the VP For Equality and Diversity are both vying to secure a ticket to clamber for the top spot, with numerous other figures hoping to secure Glass Office jobs being torn between these two and their own ideology.

Of course, not all is continuity within the Union. Those of you with keen eyesight will notice that Relish and Supermacs at the rear of the union has gone, and rumours are flying as to what will replace it, ranging from McDonalds and Boojum down to the far more likely ‘empty space’. Frankly, I think that whatever ends up there will be more successful, as long as they open for more than three hours a day, or even if they did open for that time, as long as the hours aren’t the ones leading up to lunch, but not after it.

The disappearance of Relish coincided with a round of second-floor evacuations. The Flight of the Marketers directly followed on from the Clubs and Soicieties co-ordinator leaving. Unfortunately, they all seem to have left on good terms, so there’s little to report directly, but it does rather show the lack of a backup plan. With the Fresher’s Fair approaching and the C&S job being held down part time by Erstwhile Sabbs, there remains hope for the Clubs officer that all could go smoothly. Mr. Stevenson , however is not so lucky, and while the previous officer was able to do nothing and allow the unelected to pick up the slack, he will have no such luxury, and is going to have to fight to avoid being named here as frequently as his predecessor.

News has also reached my ears that several of the individuals responsible for Poppygate are hoping to bring us some new mummery, this time via the medium of a student body referendum. I’d keep my eye on that, because Referenda tend to invigorate tired spirits, especially if they’re going to be on a controversial topic. The last one held essentially boiled down to a ‘Yes’ campaign and a ‘Don’t bother voting’ campaign, but this one might be a bit more fiercely fought.

So there you have it: that was the summer that was. If you’ve any news or rumours, do drop me a line and I’ll investigate, otherwise, I’m in here every issue. To the hoodmobile!

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